It has been SO difficult these past few years: Watching all the nonsense go on...seeing so many people struggle so much... I'll be adding thoughts as we go along -
One Christian to another (or one struggling Christian). There won't be any prose here. This is LIFE OR DEATH business as far as I can see. BELIEVE or NON-BELIEF ? I think many people think every body else has no problem 'believing'...that they are the only ones who do. They breeze through BIBLE STUDY; they go to Church; they are the picture of faith while I read every thing hoping for that MOMENT to be like them because I'm sure they 'truly believe'. IF someone challenges me about faith , insults Jesus or God (or Mary) I can jump on the defense... but in quiet times I struggle.....I can't believe 'they' ever struggle.. Then, I begin to re-trace my life of Belief. DO I believe in the BIG BANG? No, of course not! (Where did the materials that "exploded" come from?) Where did the eye come from? Where does the concept of LOVE come from? LOVE is not necessary to change from a tadpole to a Human. And on and on ....over the steps that led us all to believe and then I remember... TO BELIEVE is a DECISION. I also remember that Satan is out there, filling all of our minds with doubts/fears/insecurities...and then - I finally remember: PRAYER. 'GOD in HEAVEN, Grow my FAITH - let me come to YOU now - allow me to abide in You and please keep abiding in me, for no one is as Good as You; nothing makes sense without YOU. Nothing fills me with LOVE more than YOU. Remove my Disbelief' And my breathing becomes normalized, I try to smile and then it happens: Joy soars in my heart and I remember: FAITH is a DECISION. PRAYER is my life-line. LATER, when I've once again been focused on everything but God, I find the old doubts creep in....I tell myself: HE'D BETTER BE FOR REAL!!! and then I ask ...what if He isn't? And I go back through the mental obstacle course... Then I question myself: "Why are you so stubborn?" " WHY is it so hard to believe consistently?" and I answer: Because it's too good too be true...and the dirtier the world gets, the meaner people become, the more horrible the news stories are and the evil they relate...that more difficult it is to believe in anything but a rotting pile of garbage. THEN I stop myself: "Of course! This is what Satan wants us to think! This is why he sneaks around, day and night, sowing seeds of doubt. Making people feel hopeless, focusing on the sad plight of so many humans. Using other people's greed and ego and non-belief to discourage humans such as me. Then I have to ask myself this: IF there is SO MUCH EVIL...doesn't that mean there also has to be SO MUCH GOOD? ! I mean rocks that explode and suddenly (over ? years) an eye appears?...that activity doesn't need horrid EVIL.. it doesn't require dastardly acts....it's not like someone has to kill someone because they are bored to keep 'life' going... so then I say to myself "AH HA! THANK GOD!! The very presence of EVIL means there definitely is GOOD... GOOD meaning GOD....and I breathe again, and like a child I run to GOD'S opened arms and tell myself that I am not going out into those scary pits of doubt ever again.... |
THIS IS THE FAITH DANCE
This "it's too good to be true" and then "Of Course it's True!!" and then the world closes in again, the sadness, the cruelty, the waste. I've long since figured out WHY things happen and I am okay with GOD using everything to mold us and that this life is just temporary. Really, I'm okay with all of that...and maybe THAT in itself it progress of a sort!! I don't ask questions like WHY does GOD allow this or that. Why doesn't HE save this one or that one from the terror of evil. That has been answered within myself (Because this is a time of testing and a blink of an eye and unless HE wanted only robots! No, we have to be in this Boot-camp...He can't make 'everything right' or we'd be marshmallows. I get all that. Probably took me 40 years, but I get all that. So why the 'dance'? And then I remember: because I am STILL in this process of submission... this tug-of-war process whereby I forget that what GOD has for me is better than anything I can think up for myself. TUG TUG TUG "I can do it myself"... then I ask myself: Who am I trying to impress? Who am I trying to hide pain from? WHY? The answer is so simple: I can't trust very many- if any. I wonder if ALL people feel that way? Other people let us down, other people aren't always truthful, Other people - other people. But then I remind myself: GOD is NOT other people. I tell myself: Just for today, TRUST GOD. Even half a day: TRUST GOD. Don't try to "make it right"; don't struggle over your business...do your best and let GOD do the rest! And I begin the day with the resolve...FOR TODAY I'm going to turn over everything to GOD....and I'm going to PRAY first and fit the day around my prayer ritual...not the other way around and then all the rest of the day I can remind myself: "You've already prayed today!!... Good for you!!! " and at the end of the day I can think back on the decisions I left up to GOD...I let myself observe how much better things worked out. I tell GOD, okay, I'm all yours now! I'm prepared to say that every day until it becomes so natural that it doesn't need to be said. For a while that feels great ---then things are so terrible in the 'real world' and I find I have to go back through the thought process of faith building... WHEN I'm mentally exhausted I finally say (again): It's either true or it's not and if it's not there is nothing you can do about it and I pray: GOD, please grow my faith. God speaks to me and says: Stop holding back... TRUST ME. aBIDE in me. and..... I do - more and more.... I do. A daily resource of encouragement is JOEL OSTEEN!! Read this and you'll see why...watching him 1 x a week on TV isn't bad either. He does not pretend or profess to be a Theologian...he is a Champion of GOD... read:
April 29, 2014 The Highest Power TODAY’S SCRIPTURE “You alone are the Lord. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you.” (Nehemiah 9:6, NIV) TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria So many people today are looking for answers. They are looking for direction and tuning in to different voices around them. They think the universe is going to direct them or the stars will lead them. But, why would you turn to the stars for your answers when you can turn to the one who made the stars? (emphasis is mine...isn't that a great statement??) Back to JOEL: God didn’t just put you on the Earth and say, “Good luck. You’re on your own. I hope you make it.” No, He created us for fellowship with Him. He created us for relationship. He wants us to choose Him over anything else this world has to offer. Today, don’t settle for second best. Don’t just look to a higher power; look to the Highest Power. Look to God, the Creator of the universe. He is good and has a good plan for your life. If you’ve never turned to God, call on Him today. Ask Him to reveal Himself to You. Ask Him to show you His ways so that you can walk with Him and know Him all the days of your life! A PRAYER FOR TODAY Father, today I acknowledge that You alone are God. You are the highest authority among heaven and earth. Show me Your ways. Show me Your love. Help me to hear Your voice so that I can walk with You in peace and freedom in Jesus’ name. Amen. |
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