AN ESSAY for CATHOLICS who have FALLEN AWAY
AN ESSAY for CATHOLICS who have Fallen Away from another Catholic who Fell away and came back. This first Essay is shared by CK - Other Essays will be added as they are submitted and will have their own 'drop down file'. This is a Catholic to Catholic conversation.
I Just Needed to be Asked
I am a Cradle Catholic, and am also now known as a “revert”. I was baptized as a child and attended Catholic grade school and attended what was then called CCD – Confraternity of Christian Doctrine - when I went to a public high school.
At 18 I joined the Navy. In boot camp we were required to attend church on Sunday. Because I was Catholic, I went to Mass on the military base. Once I graduated from boot camp and went to a follow on base for training, I just stopped going to church. I don’t remember it being a decision based on any thought of what it meant not to go, what the church taught or discussion with my parents. Mass wasn’t important to me. None of my friends went to church. Looking back I can say that I was not ‘catechized’ to understand what it meant to call myself a Catholic. CCD was not a class I looked forward to. The priest and teachers who came to our class were faced with me asking a lot of ‘why’ questions. The answers didn’t make sense to me. Being cynical was my way to deal with the church. Missing Mass didn’t bother me, and I gave it no thought. None of my friends were church goers so Sunday was just a day off, not a day to go to church before doing anything else. I remember telling myself that I was agnostic. Just in case, I will believe in God. Accepting there was a god seemed natural to me, but that is as far as it went. No one ever questioned me or asked me why I believed what I did. Before I got out of the Navy 3 years later I was married in the Catholic Church. Again, it meant little to me other than being a nice ceremony and reception. My husband was sent to Viet Nam and served a one year tour. When he returned he was discharged and I was stationed in Northern California. Soon I was out of the Navy also. We moved to be near my family in Southern California and go to college. Our marriage was in name only. |
We did not have the love needed to nurture it. I got pregnant and my daughter was born in March 73. She was baptized in the Catholic Church. Six months later my husband walked out the door, filed for divorce and soon remarried. Stephanie and I moved to my parent’s home.
Mom and Dad had stopped going to church by the time I moved back home. Dad was mad at the church. Or, I should say mad at people in the church. Most of his disdain was personality driven. He had a friend who was a priest who was at odds with other priests and he and dad got into discussions and dad obviously took his side. Needless to say he didn’t encourage me to go back to church. I think mom would have liked to, but again dad discouraged it. I enrolled in college and spent all my time studying and taking care of my daughter, and helping mom and dad. None of my friends or fellow students went to church as far as I knew. I graduated from college and joined the Navy, this time as an officer. Still didn’t go to church or even think about it. There was no longer the requirement to go to church during Officer Candidate School – it was optional. No one I knew went to church. My first duty station was in Japan. It was there I met my husband Chris. He was stationed in Okinawa and we worked for the same boss. He was a cradle Catholic, but didn’t attend Mass. He was divorced like me. We didn’t go to Mass, and didn’t talk about religion. We returned to the US and were stationed near San Jose, CA. We were married by the justice of the peace in San Diego. There was a non-denominational ceremony at the Navy base chapel a few months later. Something changed and I don’t know the catalyst. Checking out the mega churches seemed like a good idea. Non-denominational meant I didn’t have to adhere to set rules and regulations, just be a good Christian. Mega church services are full of excitement, music, color and friendly people. |
Each week you are invited to come down front and proclaim your Christianity. I went to a few different churches.
Weeks later I found myself saying “is this all there is”. Communion, if they had it, was just another event in the service. No reverence, just small chunks of hard bread and grape juice in a tiny cup. There was not altar, no cross, no vestments, no smells and bells. Empty feelings filled my heart. I was lost. One of the members of Chris’ aviation squadron had a 16 year old son who committed suicide. Chris was asked to come to the Catholic funeral service. He was so impressed with how it was ‘handled’ that he said “let’s go back to church”. With no questions asked, we started attending Mass again. We were home – though it was just the beginning of a journey that began 30 years ago. We each received an annulment from our previous marriage and our marriage was blessed in the Catholic Church. I could go on about that journey, but it’s the return to the Catholic Church that is the point of this essay. What is missing from this story? Notice that at each point in my life when it came to deciding whether to attend church or not, I was alone in that decision. What would have made the difference? I just needed to be asked. The big reason, I believe, that people don’t come back to church is because they weren’t asked. Does it take more than that? Sure. But if the first question isn’t asked, nothing happens. Simple? Yes. Easy? Probably not. Fear grips you unless you have the tools and confidence to reach out of your comfort zone. Narrow Gate has the tools to make this simple and easy. ©NarrowGateC 2013 |
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